The New Diary

I was so excited last week as I wrote in my new diary. Not a diary/journal, more a planner. So as I planned and put in all sorts of dates like birthdays and to do lists and dinner ideas and my weekly prayer for J, I was filled with a real sense of anticipation and excitement for the new year.
This is a special diary too, in that it has Bible verses and quotes for each week to inspire and encourage. Last week's quote was from Joseph Barnby: "When morning gilds the skies, my heart awaking cries; May Jesus Christ be praised." How appropriate, I thought. As a new day starts, my thoughts should turn to Jesus. As a new year starts, my focus should be on Him. Each new day brings opportunities to spend in His presence - learning, growing, changing, being refreshed. And He is so worthy to be praised...no matter what! No situation or circumstance changes His goodness. All those great thoughts filled my heart and made me feel lighter.


Then....reality struck! Since reading that quote and having all those marvellous thoughts, my circumstances have changed. Almost overnight baby j morphed from an angelic little baby boy, into a screaming, sleepless terror. And sadly, the circumstances got to me. I too, became a terror....a sleep deprived, frustrated, sobbing, short tempered terror. I became a me I do not want to be. A me that my husband is not blessed by. A me that is not the best parent for my little boy. A me who does not reflect God's goodness and grace.
But the incredible Jesus Christ IS to be praised. It is because of His grace that I can hope that things will change....and they have. j has settled somewhat, that's true. But I have changed. As I crawled back into bed after sleep interruption #3 early this morning I hid myself under the sheet and I prayed. As I climbed out of bed this morning I thought about Jesus and I prayed. As I write this now, I am praying. And my prayer is not for smooth sailing and for j to be perfect and to sleep....it is for me to more like this Jesus Christ.