Surviving Singleness #1

Okay...that's a blog title that you weren't expecting a happily married wife and new Mum to have on her blog isn't it? Well....I don't want to be elitist in this whole blogging adventure. I want all my friends to know they matter....whether they are single....married....childless....quiver's full.....whatever! So I'll occasionally post an article from this little series I wrote for the girls at my Aunty's church down south. While the content speaks mostly to single women....if you're a single guy you are welcome to have a read - it may provide valuable insights into the mixed-up, crazy world of a woman's mind! And if you are married....how about a walk down memory lane and perhaps the challenge to look to mentor someone who is walking in singleness right now. If we have 'been there, done that' we have something to share....so be brave....get real with someone....make a difference...all over a chat and a cup of Swiss Coffee (my current beverage of choice:)

Singleness….it’s one of the biggest challenges a young Christian woman will ever face. How do I know? Because I have been there, done that….all through my twenties and well into my 30s. And it was tough…lots of times. Consumed with thoughts of feeling unlovable and somehow deficient and wondering if God was just messing with me or did He actually have a plan for my life that would contain love and a husband. There were days when I just wanted to curl up and become a bitter old spinster and then there were days lived in hope. I kept busy with work and hanging out with good friends. I tried to stay close to God and trust Him as best I could. I kept in close contact with my family. I travelled. I read Christian books and watched too many chick flicks. And I kept an eye out for ‘Mr Possible’, hoping that he might turn out to be ‘Mr Right’. Here’s a couple of practical things that helped me deal with singleness:

1.       Be obedient to God in all areas but especially when it comes to relationships…don’t compromise things like purity and dating or marrying a non-Christian.

2.       Be open and honest with God and yourself about your desires for a husband. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to get married and have a family, but don’t let that become all-consuming. There’s plenty of other things to do and see and learn in life. And God is faithful….even if we sometimes feel He just works to darn slowly.

3.       Get onto the Boundless website. (www.boundless.org) This is a webzine and podcast from Focus on the Family aimed at 20 – 30+ year olds, especially singles. The articles are fantastic and cover everything from singleness to dating to finances to spiritual growth and more. Many of Candice Watters’ articles helped me a great deal, offering hope, encouragement and solid Biblical advice.

4.       Candice has also written a book, available at Christian bookstores and on-line, called: Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen. Worth a read.

5.       Enlist a ‘team’ to help you. My team included most of my family and 1 or 2 close friends. These guys offered advice and encouragement, introduced me to decent Christian men and helped keep me level-headed throughout the dating process. This was especially important as I braved the world of Christian internet dating. My advice: don’t go into that arena solo.

My prayer is that you’ll continue to live in hope. God loves you so much and you can trust Him with your life….ALL of it. And somewhere, sometime I am confident that He will bring into your life (or to your notice) a man meant for you. How do I know? He did it for me. (Now that’s another story!) But if it can happen for ‘Miss Married-to-my-job–I’m-too-shy-If-I-commit-myself-fully-to-God-He’ll-keep-me-single-forever-and-send-me-to-Africa-as-a-missionary’, it can happen for anyone seeking God’s will, with a heart’s longing to love and be loved and living in faithful obedience to Him.