Deee-licious!

Humble pie tastes great doesn't it? That moment when you realise you have gotten it wrong...again...and need to confess and seek forgiveness really can be so very challenging and well...humbling.

My pastor's wife...a wise and lovely lady...offered this gem before I married J:"Kirsty, never assume anything." Simple words, yet so incredibly hard to do in the heat of the moment when I feel wronged or misunderstood or upset or disappointed or frustrated.

Sadly, last Sunday saw me 'assume' two things about J's actions - wrongly - in a very short space of time. And when I realised my mistake I felt terrible. I felt like I had not been the wife my husband needed, certainly not the helper I am called to be.

I guess the beauty in this ugly situation was that I realised my sin and asked God for forgiveness. Actually, in thinking about it...I should have sought forgiveness from J too. I will do this tonight!

Anyway...at least my eyes were opened to the failure and my heart was soft enough to feel remorse and seek forgiveness and restoration.

Which, thanks to God's graciousness and hopefully, my husband's too....leaves the slate clean again and the words 'Don't assume anything'....resounding in my head.

How much better to live those words than have to eat humble pie.

From Genesis 1-12

As I read thru the Bible again this year, I am going to try and keep an online journal (of sorts) with a few thoughts from what I read. Perhaps some of my thoughts might be relevant to you too...I pray that may be so....at least on some of the days.


As most of us know, the first book of the Bible - Genesis - is about origins or beginnings. But have you ever thought about what it is the beginning of? It's not just the beginning of the world, although there is that remarkable account of an awesome God planning and creating this magnificent universe. And to think, all He had to do was say it and it was...and it was GOOD!


So Genesis is also the beginning of life. It tells us how we got here. Life - including humankind - was created by a loving God. Logically then, life is precious. It is a gift. It is to be revered and valued. And we are to be grateful for it and thoughtful in how we treat and use it. The early chapters of Genesis remind us that we have been created in God's image...the only part of His creation that can claim this. I hope that as I live my life today, I reflect even a part of His amazing character.


Genesis tells of the beginnings of marriage....Adam and Eve together as a God-ordained couple. And a definition of what marriage should look like: Genesis 2:24 - For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. And we are also given the principles for a successful marriage.....walk daily with God and wives, be a helper to your husband. Someone who 'does him good.'


The early pages in the Bible also reveal other beginnings, not all good. There is the beginning of sin, as Eve and then Adam disobey God. They chose to live life - this life given by Creator God as a gift - on their own terms. And the result? Separation from Him and a legacy of sin and separation for all generations to come. The beginning of judgement....God cannot abide sin and as a just God, He needs to deal with it. And as we know from Romans, the 'wages of sin is death'.


But how incredible that Genesis also is the beginning of grace. God has made a way for us to be forgiven, reunited with Him and able to live life without fear of eternal death. And finally, we can read about the beginnings of covenant....solemn promises God makes with Noah and Abraham. Promises that still impact us today and particularly relevant as flood waters continue to rise and fall. (see: Genesis 9:9 and on)


To me though, one of the best bits about the book of beginnings is the fact that it tells us that God had no beginning. He always was and always will be. Beyond time and space, God existed....always. He is not limited in any way. He is limitless. Infinite. Exceptional. And He is the One in whom our hope and trust can find the firmest and most secure and fulfilling foundation. I have a small grasp of WHO He is and who He is makes all the difference when I consider WHO I am. A simple, but astounding, concept I heard at a conference once is 'Because He IS, I AM.' If God was not, then neither would I be. If God did not exist, I would not exist. Just a little reminder that you and I are not here by accident. There is a plan and purpose to our existence...and it's not just for the here and now, but for an eternity.


Finally, Genesis: it is the story of a good God and His good creation. It tells of man's role and outlines sin and its effects. It is the story of hope as we read about God reversing those effects and providing a future. Yes Genesis is about origins...but it is also about our destiny as well.....and when we faithfully walk with our Creator, that destiny looks VERY GOOD. 


(Credit where credit is due.....thanks to the Bible Society's Women's Devotional Bible for ideas for this post.)

Friday Friends & Faves #7

Uncle Jim and Co. are both my friends and faves this week.

Years ago, Mum and Dad discovered US ministry Focus on the Family through Dr James Dobson's books and (in those days) film presentations. Based on solid Biblical foundations, the teachings of Focus aim to strengthen and encourage families. And in a world where the family gets pretty beat up (both my internal and external forces), that's a very valuable ministry.

Well my sisters, brother and I were pretty much raised on the principles of Focus, so much so that I affectionately refer to Dr Dobson as 'Uncle Jim.' And it wasn't just Mum and Dad who have listened to, read and been trained by Uncle Jim.

Through my teen years I read "Preparing for Adolescence' and "Life on the Edge"....both brilliant books for understanding myself and the stages of life I was in, especially that 'decade of decision' that encompasses our teens and early 20s. When I was teaching, I read "Dare to Discipline" and "LOTE" - again! When I was looking to prepare for dating and marriage, I read "Love Must Be Tough" and "Love for a Lifetime" and now, it's books like "Parenting Isn't for Cowards" and "Bringing Up Boys." And that's not to mention the plethora of other books and resources Uncle Jim has poured his life into writing and creating.

Now, in the age of technology, I tend to refer to the website more than the books. And it is FULL of great articles and links to anything and everything related to dating, engagement, marriage, parenting, etc...Not all by Dr D of course...there's just too much there to be the work of one man and besides, last year Uncle Jim actually retired from the ministry he established many moons ago. But on the FotF website you'll find so much practical, easy to read material to help you, no matter the situation you are facing or question you have. I find their Daily Broadcast podcasts invaluable and you can also listen to them online. http://www.pluggedin.com/ is a terrific resource for keeping up with what's going on in popular culture and has tonnes of reviews of film, TV, music and the like to help you make wise media consumption issues. http://www.boundless.org/ has been a tremendous site in helping me navigate the years of singleness and then relationship building with J. And Young Married Life has been a good read in the past couple of years as I have begun to explore this precious and challenging thing called marriage.

But wait! There's more! Sooooo much more. On the website you'll find tonnes of encouragement and great advice to help you do life well....whether you are married, single, parenting, grandparenting...whatever stage you're at. And beyond the website, Focus is doing amazing work with orphans and foster care....placing ultrasounds in pregnancy centres (they have saved an estimated 72 000 children since starting this particular ministry!)....The Truth Project small groups....marriage, parenting and teen apologetics simulcasts....resource stores....magazines....etc....etc......etc......

So please, take the time to check out at least one of the links above. And hopefully, you too will find the help you might be needing to do life that little bit better today. If Focus on the Family and Uncle Jim can help your family thrive....they'll consider it a job well done. And so do I.

Surviving Singleness #5

Exercise the Love Muscle 

I remember tearing up in a discussion with a good friend about love, back in my late 20s. It wasn’t because I thought love had passed me by. And it wasn’t because I was not currently the object of anyone’s love, or a boyfriend or husband wasn’t the object of my love.

I was actually upset because I was thinking about my inability to love. I had become quite selfish by that stage in my life. Long hours alone, living by yourself, fixating on your own life will do that to a girl. And I was genuinely concerned that if God did bring a special man into my life, perhaps I wouldn’t know how to love him.

Well my friend soon put me straight, reminding me that since I know God – who IS love – if I stay close to Him, I would be able to love and love well. And besides, why was I waiting for loving to be a future action? Why not spend time developing my love muscle now…while I had ample time and resources as a single girl. Ouch! Sometimes friends can be so blunt……….and so right!

So one way I set about developing my ability to love was to become an encourager. Think about those in your life who have encouraged you. Aren’t they someone you admire, appreciate and want to emulate? I have been extremely blessed over my lifetime to have had many and varied people – from teachers to students to aunts to friends to bosses to sisters  - speak words of gratitude and encouragement into my life. They are words that have changed me, challenged me and comforted me. In fact, one of my sentimental keepsakes is my ‘Joy Box’….a box full of wonderful words of encouragement written by these people on beautiful cards and pieces of scrap paper. These are still treasures that I read once in a while, and even though many were written years ago, they still have the ability to refresh me, lighten my spirit and make me smile and get excited about life.

Imagine if my words – spoken and written - did the same for others? So that’s one thing over the years I have tried to do…bless and encourage others through words. I am one of those people who don’t like talking on the phone, but I have lists of people I pencil into my diary to call at different intervals throughout the month or year. I pray that a call from me and words I am trusting God to give me, will tell those people that they are loved.

I like to write cards and notes to people….workmates, friends, my family, students. And again, I hope that I might be offering a word in season to encourage them and give them that little nudge to keep going. Recently, I wrote 3 little notes to 3 teenaged boys I teach. To the Yr 10 boy who said ‘thank-you’ after a lesson, I said ‘thanks’ in return and urged him to never lose that gift of encouragement because it makes a difference. To the Yr 9 boy who used encouraging words on the sports’ field, I urged him to keep speaking kind, ‘build-em-up’ words with his classmates because he’ll never know how much they might mean to someone who is struggling. And to the Yr 8 boy who came last in every event, but still had a go, I encouraged him to always keep that ‘have-a-go’ attitude because with it, he will go far in this life. Simple things. 50 word notes, that took no time at all, but that I pray God will use to encourage those young men.

So who is in your life that you can encourage today? Family members, friends, workmates, your pastor, church family, teenagers, children, random people you see once a week…your postie??? Even if you are not the most proficient writer, it honestly doesn’t take much time or talent to pen a few lines of appreciation. A Bible verse can add extra encouragement. Or even Google ideas for quotes or verses that you might be able to use. And don’t forget, every May holds National Thanksgiving Day, perhaps you can use that month as motivation but even before then, how about you to write 5 cards of encouragement by Christmas. That's only 1 every fortnight!

Encouraging others does make a difference, and not just to the person who is the recipient of your kind words. As you exercise your love muscle, God shines through you and changes your heart. Perhaps He’ll even use your willingness to love now, in the single years, to develop your ability to love when you get married and start a family. That’s what He did for me.

Surviving Singleness #4

Mind Games

I was flipping through past journals recently and it struck me…again….how much time I spend thinking. It’s a girl thing right? I even think about thinking!

The entries in my journal from my pre-married years highlighted how many potholes I fell into during that lengthy walk along the road of singleness. So in thinking about my thinking during that time, I just wanted to pass on a couple of warnings to others walking that road and suggest some pothole fillers that might be useful to you.

The Pothole of Inadequacy: I am a loser…no-one loves me.

One of the major pieces of faulty, and consequently damaging, thinking was that because I was not in a relationship and no-one seemed interested in pursuing one with me, I must therefore be unlovable or unworthy of love. In some way, perhaps many ways, I was obviously inadequate.

The Pothole of Selfishness: I….I….I…..I……I…….I…….I……I…..I……I

I guess it’s logical that in my journals I write about ME. But I realise how ME focussed I was during that season and it wasn’t healthy. We can spend way too much time fixated on ourselves and our own problems or circumstances and forget that as God’s girls we are called to look to the interests of others.

The Pothole of Ungratefulness: I have no boyfriend. I’m married to my job. I spend Friday and Saturday nights alone. I have sole responsibility for everything, including keeping the car running, taking out the bins and paying every bill. Oh, woe is me!

It is so easy to focus on negatives and see the glass as half empty and again, that is not what God has called us to.

The Pothole of Fantasyland: There are no decent men around. Why isn’t there a Mr Darcy? Or Romeo? Or Jack? Or…??? For me????????

I’ve heard it said that chick-lit and chick-flicks are female porn. Might sound a bit severe, but in some ways I agree. There was a season in my single years where I devoured romance novels and films and they affected my thinking….severely. Instead of building hope, they actually caused me to dwell on what I did not have. The Hollywood version of love in these books and movies is not even close to God’s design and that builds into our minds faulty thoughts about men, love and intimacy. They can be addictive, which is always dangerous. And they caused me to see the men in my life as somewhat deficient…’Well, why couldn’t they be like Mr Darcy? Or Romeo? Or Jack? Or…???’ They trigger feelings for something more that can take over our mental and physical selves and cause us to dwell on intimacy…or our lack of it.

There’s plenty of other potholes revealed in my journals but I am sure you get the picture. And if you are currently walking the single road, you could probably name a few that have caused your thinking to get bogged down or sidetracked.

BUT the great news is that we have a God who has given us the means to take up the shovel and fill in these potholes so that our thinking is no longer faulty and holding us back, but instead is a true reflection of how life is.

HIS WORD is the ultimate guide to filling in the potholes. Not only does it tell us the truth about who we are, why we are here and what life is about, but also, it gives specific helps for dealing with faulty thoughts. The very best one of course is to follow Paul’s advice in 2 Corinthians 10:5 – We destroy arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. But we can’t destroy faulty thinking if we do not know what is truth. And we can’t replace faulty thoughts with truthful ones if we are not IN God’s Word…reading, studying and applying it.

A couple of other practical ways I found to fill in the potholes have been accountability with a trusted friend or mentor who will talk through with me my thoughts and feelings and hold me accountable when it comes to what I am watching, reading, listening to, etc… I also reduced the amount of romance reading and viewing I was doing and for a time, fasted from that genre of entertainment. On some pages in my journals there is no complaining or whinging at all. Instead, I wrote lists – long ones – of the blessings in my life and expressed my deep gratefulness to God for His gifts to me. Counting your blessings sure changes your whole outlook on life. And I tried to counter the selfishness I saw in me by deliberately choosing to put others first and to find ways to encourage them. I called people, wrote letters, sent appreciation emails to my pastors, visited friends, practised hospitality, got involved in service ministries, sponsored children….and there’s heaps more here that you can do to get the focus off yourself. One final way I countered this particular pothole and kept hope for marriage alive was to pray for my future husband. Sure I hadn’t met him yet…well I didn’t think I had….but I could mention Him in my prayers and ask for God to bless him. I prayed for his relationships with friends and family. I asked God to give him wisdom in decisions and for the Holy Spirit to fill him with a desire to be obedient and faithful to our heavenly Father. I prayed for success in his job and for God to protect his heart and mind and body.

In all honesty, I did not do all these things all the time. But they are just some ways I tried, with God’s help, to not waste my season of singleness. Perhaps they might be an encouragement to you not just to keep on keeping on, but to travel the S road with fewer bumps and less potholes.

Surviving Singleness #3

“If Only”

Today, my encouragement to the beautiful single girls reading this comes from ‘Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl.’ This new book, written by Lysa TerKeurst (President of Proverbs 31 Ministries) has been beside my bed for the past two months and I have been thoroughly entertained and more importantly, challenged and changed by its message. With chapter titles like: Unlikely Lessons from a Pineapple, Cross My Heart & Close My Mouth, When My Ugly Comes Out and Praying the Dangerous Prayers, there’s plenty here for every woman who has ever felt like she was just going through the motions of the Christian life, ticking off the to-do list items and sensing there had to be ‘something more.’ So yes, I highly recommend the book, for ALL women, but for the ‘unclaimed gems’ here’s a few thoughts from Lysa and myself, which I hope might bless you today.

From Lysa….

The reality is no person, possession, profession, or position ever fills the cup of a wounded, empty heart – not my heart, not your heart. It’s an emptiness only God can fill. Anything we use as a substitute for God is an idol, a false god. (pg 30)

From me…..

During my single days, there were times when I tried to fill the emptiness in my life with each of those P’s. I thought certain people, especially a boyfriend would make me complete. With few expenses and a whole income to myself, I spent far too much time buying ‘stuff’….some of which sat in the cupboard, never worn or used. I pursued my job of teaching until it was almost all-consuming. Sure, I enjoyed it, but the fact that I dreamt about it most nights and around end of semester, dreamt in typed speech because of all the time I spent on computers writing reports (!!!) suggested too much of a good thing, can just be too much! And I took on a variety of positions both at work and church to try to find the niche I was supposed to be in where I would feel significant. Are you doing any of that??

From Lysa….

Even if we don’t fall into the idolatry of relying solely on other people or things to fill us, we can still be tempted by the lie that the things of this world bring fulfilment. It’s a lie that typically goes something like this: I could be really happy and fulfilled if only I had…..

….a skinnier body.

….a husband.

….a husband who was more tender and romantic.

….more money.

….a more successful career.

….a better personality.

….a baby.

….smarter kids.

………….apart from a thriving relationship with God, even if you got everything on your list, there would still be a hollow gap in your soul. (pg 32)

From me….

As the one and only single girl in a group of friends I had a few years ago, it was a constant reminder to me that by not being married, I was missing out. Wrong thinking! I began to learn, slowly, that no-one (not even a special man) and nothing (not even romantic love), was responsible for my happiness and contentment in life. It was a choice and still IS a choice I need to make every day.

From Lysa….

Instead of saying, “If only I had…..” and filling in the blank with some person, possession, profession or position, make a choice to replace the statement with something that draws your heart into God’s truth. Since we cannot be pulled away from God and draw near to Him at the same time, speaking truth rights our perspectives and puts our focus where it should be. (pg 32)

As long as I daily make the choice to be guided by His truth, He replaces my hollowness with a wholeness of love that has no gaps. (pg 35)

From me….

People and things are NOT where I get value or contentment or ultimate fulfilment. My eyes need to be on God for that, my heart needs to be in tune with His and my thoughts and actions need to reflect the truth of His word. I am indeed loved. Precious. Blessed. Protected. Valued. Wanted. By the King of all Creation…the Saviour of the World….the Lord God Almighty. Wow! My prayer today is that you will let those truths get a hold of your thoughts and chase the ‘If only’s….’ far from your thinking.

Letter to a Bride

I thought I'd flesh out my first 'Priscilla' idea from the last post. What's it look like to be a good wife? No doubt there's more to be said than what's below, but this is just a short note I penned to a friend recently on the occasion of her hen's night. Perhaps a few timely reminders for all of us blessed to be wives.....

Dear friend…..

Wonderful days ahead! As you continue to prepare for your wedding day, don’t forget the importance of preparing for your marriage. There’s lots to do for that special day, just as there is much to consider for the days, weeks, months and years that come after the wedding.

Here’s a few thoughts I have….not that after 3.21 years I can claim to be an expert!

Men are soooooo different to us girls. But just because they’re different, doesn’t make them wrong or stupid or……… Appreciate your man for the differences he brings to your relationship. Sometimes you really need to look hard and think positive, but it is worth it. He’ll certainly appreciate it and you’ll be happier than when you focus on the negatives.

Wives are soooooo good for their husbands. The Bible even says so! Men need someone to love and respect them. Who think they are a hero. Who constantly express their thanks for their protection and provision. Who serve them. Who give good massages. Make sure you keep a generous heart towards your husband…and act on that often!

It’s soooooo fun to love your hubby. When you find out what his principle love languages are (acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts or quality time) have fun putting into action ways that best tell him how much you love him. Be creative! And enjoy the consequences!

You sooooooo need God’s help to do marriage well. It was, after all, His grand plan and design so of course He has plenty to say about it. Make sure you search Scripture to discover what you are to do...be...say...show...in order to be ‘the crown of your husband’ (Proverbs 12:4).

And there’s soooooo much other helpful advice we can access to encourage us to ‘do’ being a wife really well. Podcasts and radio programs of Focus on the Family and Family Life Today….website: www.youngmarriedlife.com……books like ‘Intimate Issues’, ‘Fit to be Tied’, ‘His Needs Her Needs’, etc… are a few I have found useful.

Final tips...laugh a lot together...cuddle a lot...enjoy each other...always express gratitude to God and your husband...pray for him heaps...ask God to continue to help you be a wonderful helper, cheer-leader, lover...enjoy the journey – together:)

Blessings to you!

Kirsty VI

Surviving Singleness #2

This one is called:

The List

I am a ‘list’ girl. I like writing lists and even better, I like checking things off the lists I write. I even have a ‘Kirsty’s Little Book of Lists’ (inspired by list queen Belinda B) that has lists of all sorts of things….movies I want to see, baby names I like, goals for the year, ‘to do’ lists for the holidays, present ideas for this year’s birthdays, shopping and bucket lists..…the list of my lists is endless.

A few years back, during the midst of my single days, I read Rebecca St James’ book “Wait for Me.” Following her idea, I wrote a list of the qualities I was looking for in a husband. I guess I wanted to clarify what I thought were the most important characteristics in a mate. It was fun to write and made me think hard too. Here’s some of the ideas from my list…..I would like to meet and love a man who: is honest, has a sense of humour, loves me, is strong – both physically and emotionally, values family, walks closely with God, is friendly, is a good listener, is fit and the list went on….

Then it hit me…hard! It was all well and good to write this list and be on the lookout for a man who fulfilled the list, but the most important thing was actually how many of those qualities was I displaying? Was I loving God…walking in trust and obedience? Was I loving my family….keeping in touch with my parents? Speaking kindly to my siblings? Was I approachable, friendly, others'-focussed? Was I looking to be healthy and whole physically? Was I a woman of integrity, one who lived what I said I believed? Was I treating my friends with respect and encouraging them?

 In the waiting period of the single years, can I encourage you to make sure your focus is not entirely on Mr Right and all you hope he will be and do. God has a plan for who He desires You to be as His beloved daughter. His desire is for you to be a woman who expresses love, joy and peace. He wants you to exhibit patience, kindness and goodness.  He created you to have words and actions that exude gentleness, faithfulness and self-control.

You know, in so many ways dating, romance, marriage and love are NOT about me. And yet, in considering my (future) spouse, there’s an awful lot that IS about me. Who am I? What am I like? And is that a blessing to those around me now and will it be a blessing to my husband? If not, pray for God to help you become the person He wants you to be, for the one He wants to give you.                                                     

Surviving Singleness #1

Okay...that's a blog title that you weren't expecting a happily married wife and new Mum to have on her blog isn't it? Well....I don't want to be elitist in this whole blogging adventure. I want all my friends to know they matter....whether they are single....married....childless....quiver's full.....whatever! So I'll occasionally post an article from this little series I wrote for the girls at my Aunty's church down south. While the content speaks mostly to single women....if you're a single guy you are welcome to have a read - it may provide valuable insights into the mixed-up, crazy world of a woman's mind! And if you are married....how about a walk down memory lane and perhaps the challenge to look to mentor someone who is walking in singleness right now. If we have 'been there, done that' we have something to share....so be brave....get real with someone....make a difference...all over a chat and a cup of Swiss Coffee (my current beverage of choice:)

Singleness….it’s one of the biggest challenges a young Christian woman will ever face. How do I know? Because I have been there, done that….all through my twenties and well into my 30s. And it was tough…lots of times. Consumed with thoughts of feeling unlovable and somehow deficient and wondering if God was just messing with me or did He actually have a plan for my life that would contain love and a husband. There were days when I just wanted to curl up and become a bitter old spinster and then there were days lived in hope. I kept busy with work and hanging out with good friends. I tried to stay close to God and trust Him as best I could. I kept in close contact with my family. I travelled. I read Christian books and watched too many chick flicks. And I kept an eye out for ‘Mr Possible’, hoping that he might turn out to be ‘Mr Right’. Here’s a couple of practical things that helped me deal with singleness:

1.       Be obedient to God in all areas but especially when it comes to relationships…don’t compromise things like purity and dating or marrying a non-Christian.

2.       Be open and honest with God and yourself about your desires for a husband. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to get married and have a family, but don’t let that become all-consuming. There’s plenty of other things to do and see and learn in life. And God is faithful….even if we sometimes feel He just works to darn slowly.

3.       Get onto the Boundless website. (www.boundless.org) This is a webzine and podcast from Focus on the Family aimed at 20 – 30+ year olds, especially singles. The articles are fantastic and cover everything from singleness to dating to finances to spiritual growth and more. Many of Candice Watters’ articles helped me a great deal, offering hope, encouragement and solid Biblical advice.

4.       Candice has also written a book, available at Christian bookstores and on-line, called: Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen. Worth a read.

5.       Enlist a ‘team’ to help you. My team included most of my family and 1 or 2 close friends. These guys offered advice and encouragement, introduced me to decent Christian men and helped keep me level-headed throughout the dating process. This was especially important as I braved the world of Christian internet dating. My advice: don’t go into that arena solo.

My prayer is that you’ll continue to live in hope. God loves you so much and you can trust Him with your life….ALL of it. And somewhere, sometime I am confident that He will bring into your life (or to your notice) a man meant for you. How do I know? He did it for me. (Now that’s another story!) But if it can happen for ‘Miss Married-to-my-job–I’m-too-shy-If-I-commit-myself-fully-to-God-He’ll-keep-me-single-forever-and-send-me-to-Africa-as-a-missionary’, it can happen for anyone seeking God’s will, with a heart’s longing to love and be loved and living in faithful obedience to Him.