Taking J for Granted

One of the many challenges I face in doing life well is.....not taking my husband for granted.

He is such a good and kind and loving and fun(ny) man. I need to tell him so...often.

He is a generous and gracious man in so many little (and big) ways. I need to remind him how much I appreciate those qualities.

He is responsible and sensible, thorough and organised. They are qualities I admire and certainly ones that help keep home life running smoothly.

He is trustworthy and faithful. What a blessing that is to me, his wife.

There's plenty about J that is to be respected, admired, appreciated. Plenty that I can say 'Thank-you' for. But sometimes, in the busyness of life...in the late afternoon moments when he arrives home and dinner is a mess and Little J is tired (and so am I)....in the evenings when the dishes and ironing and tidying are heavy loads (both physically and emotionally)....in early mornings when that alarm goes off way too early for my liking....in moments of selfishness and impatience, I take him for granted.

I have certain 'expectations' of him and when he meets those expectations I just think 'so he should' rather than 'thanks so much.'

I discovered Ann Voskamp's blog 'A Holy Experience' in the past couple of days and found a life transforming post (all about loving better). You might like to take a look at the 4s she recommends.... focusses, embraces, affirmations.

I have been much more conscious of these three things in the past couple of days and as I do them, it is helping me be more grateful, loving and affectionate towards my wonderful husband. So the challenge of not taking him for granted, is slowly being overcome.

Will you give them a try?

A Heart of Compassion

I once heard the definition of compassion as: Love in Action. I love that!

We can say we have compassion for others, especially those less fortunate, but the proof is often in the action that follows.

One obvious way of showing love and compassion is to sponsor a child...something I firmly believe EVERY Western Christian should be doing....in fact every Western citizen should be doing.

Last night I had the privilege of hearing Satish Kumar speak about his life in India as a child sponsored through Compassion. Learn more about Compassion here.

Satish is now 22 and working for Compassion, in the same project he was sponsored through for many years. His story is quite incredible, but sadly, not unusual in India - or many other developing countries.

Satish spent his early years selling vegetables on the streets with his father, who would then spend all he had earned on alcohol before heading home to beat his wife. Satish's mother worked in a hot, small shed for 9 hours a day packing pickles into jars and labelling them. For this, she was paid less than a dollar a day and subjected to more beatings from her husband who was embarrassed by his wife working...something that culturally in India was not acceptable. The children often went hungry, resorting to picking through rubbish in the streets or stealing from others. They wore torn clothes, had no shoes and could not afford schooling for all four children.

Satish's father committed suicide when he was just nine, burning the family shack and all their possessions in the process. By then Satish was attending a Compassion project and the staff and local pastor promised to help Satish and his family at this extremely difficult time.

True to their word, they did and with the added sacrifice of Satish's brother quitting school to work for the family, Satish was able to continue at school, graduating first in his class. At 14 he had also given his life to Jesus and noticeable changes were happening. Eventually, through working voluntarily at the project, Satish's mother and sisters became Christians too.

With the grades to go to university but no funds to pay for tuition, Satish looked to find a job after school was finished. But Compassion sponsors again stepped in to provide a 'miracle' for Satish.

I love this part of his story! Through Compassion's leadership development program, a 19 year old girl in the US sponsored Satish through his university studies. 19!!! And phenomenally, this 19 year old was working for 4 years to pay for the cost of Satish's sponsorship, rather than going to university herself. Her plan was to begin her degree once Satish had completed his and she could then afford to pay for her own studies. Now THAT is COMPASSION!

Satish graduated with Honors in a business degree and worked with 2 large companies, where his wages far eclipsed anything he had every seen or earned before. But God has called Satish back to his home community to work with Compassion to love and encourage and help children.

His story is powerful. It is challenging too. It reminds me that around $40 a month makes an astounding difference in the life of a child, his/her family, community and nation. $40....a haircut, a new shirt, 2 movie tickets with popcorn and a drink, weekly 'treats' in the grocery trolley....

I urge you to consider joining with Compassion or like-agencies to sponsor a child. Your love, money, prayers and letters won't cost you much time, effort or energy, yet they will have an impact for Eternity.

A heart of compassion.....how's your heart rate today?

Today I.....

...cleaned the bathroom and toilet. I mean really cleaned them...even scrubbed the floor.

Five hours later though....you really can't tell I out in all that effort.

Today I.....

...washed a load of our clothes.

But now that they are dry and off the line; folded and in the cupboard....you really can't tell I did the washing.

Today I....

...prepared an early dinner for j.

Within a few short hours, there will be no evidence that I made a meal.

So much of what I do in a day goes unnoticed....and I am happy with that. So much of what I do in a day has no real impact on anyone except my family.....and that's okay. So much of what I do in a day is a labour of love.....without any recognition from anyone.

Today I.....

....went the library and struck up a conversation with a total stranger.

That stranger is now a new friend and I even found a way to help her and her boys.

Today I.....

.....hopefully made a difference, a positive difference, in the life of someone....more than one.

Today I ....

.....put a smile on His face.

Love Changes Everything

I spent an hour or so this morning getting pretty worked up in a lighting and then a tile shop.

By worked up I mean.....stressed, tense, frustrated. And that's not good when you are trying to make rational decisions about lighting and flooring for a new house.

The tension and frustration were coming from knowing I had a tiny window of opportunity to shop in....j was sleeping at home but not for long...and from the fact that in both stores there were soooooooooooooooooooooo many options....what to choose? And how ridiculous are those prices? And why would anyone want those colours...ever? And why is that salesman being so pushy? And.....

Anyway, a short time later I was home again and j was fed and I suggested we try again. Not because I had dealt with any of those 'issues' I had mentioned, but because on the way home J had said, 'Thank you. It's great to be taking on this big project with you my beautiful wife.'

Appreciation......a compliment.......a look to the future.....a reminder that I don't do life alone and an expression of love.

5 precious gifts all wrapped up in 2 short sentences. That's all it took for me to change my perspective, get a grip and move forward.

How powerful our words and actions can be. Will you remember to use them wisely and well today?

The Card

After fun at the library and buying a pumpkin from a roadside stall yesterday, we arrived home in time to get a 'hand delivery' from Mr Postie. And right on the very top of the pile was the cutest little bright orange envelope addressed to jjvi.

Inside, we discovered a little treasure from j's Great Nanna. At 90+ she is still taking the time to pray for her family and make sure they know they are loved.

What a priceless gift! What a remarkable lady! Thanks Nan....you set a mighty fine example for us all.

So a challenge for today....pray for someone and then let them know they are loved.

ROMANCE.......God's Way

Whether it looks like his vows on your wedding day, an unexpected gift or a call from work to see how you are travelling, we girls love romance.

That feeling of being special to the man in our lives is priceless. And when he takes the time to romance us, the feeling is unbeatable.

Yet anything our boyfriends or husbands might do to 'romance us' pails into insignificance in the light of what we remember later this week.

No night off cooking, red rose or weekend away can compare with the ultimate acts of love God the Father and Son performed for all of humanity 2000 years ago.

They planned a dramatic rescue in order to secure an eternal relationship with the ones they love. They paid the ultimate price - separation from each other. They endured rejection and pain, loneliness and immense grief. They gave and gave, but never demanded anyone receive their precious gift. What vulnerability!

Their Easter sacrifice that secures us real life and real relationship with them is the ultimate gift.

It is a precious thing to be loved with an everlasting love by the One who made us and paid the highest price to prove His love.

No earthly romance can hold a light to that heart and soul winning gesture....and that's worth remembering this weekend.

Surviving Singleness #8

Our Story
Is it too egotistical to quote yourself? Sorry if you think it is, coz I am about to....
I ended the last Surviving Singleness post with: Next time…I’ll tell you about the success story. Yes….after all those embarrassing failures, there has been a happy ending. And I pray there will be for you too.

So here it is....the success story.

In 2006 I was turning 33. Sometime during that year I thought about the fact that Jesus died when he was 33 and I asked the question, "Would I die happy if I died at 33?" I came quickly to this conclusion...a resounding NO! So with a sense that there was more for me than just work, I quit my job and moved back 'home' to live closer to my then-pregnant sister. I gave myself permission to have a year off teaching and see what God would do if I made room in my life for 'possibilities' - whatever they may be but hoping all along that they might resemble Mr Right.

As the year progressed I had my embarrassing failures as I tried to navigate the world of dating and relationships. For the gory details see: Surviving Singleness #7. Then in October I received a phone call that would set in motion an unexpected and exciting chain of events.

My sister and her husband, who had been praying for a husband for me for ages, rang to tell me they had signed me up to an internet dating website. "It's a Christian one" they reassured me. I spent a couple of days looking at the prospects on the website and became more and more overwhelmed by the number of faces to choose from. How was I supposed to find my Mr Right when there were just soooo many options out there, including men from all over the world? A week or so later my sister and brother-in-law told me, "We've narrowed down the field and reckon you should email these 3 guys."

So I did. I sent the same simple introductory email to all 3 Queensland-based guys. One guy never replied - his loss. One was really negative about life in general - so I sent an educational response suggesting ways he could get a warmer response in his next attempt. And the final guy responded with an obvious sense of humour....seems I had sent the email 8 times, filling his inbox! Oooppppss!

But as God would have it, #3 guy turned out to be the man who would become my wonderful husband and now the fantastic father of my darling little son.

In all honesty, I was smitten at email number 1. J came across as very down-to-earth, clever and funny. Tick, tick, tick. And considering some of the other offers I was getting in my inbox...including the one from the 50-something year old who was suggesting I come to dinner to meet his grown up children and eat his special pasta dish....this guy just sounded so normal.

He also got 'ticks' coz he had a ute! 

So email after email went back and forth as we got to know each other in cyberspace. I asked all sorts of big questions and J was gracious enough to respond in quite a bit of detail. I had my 'team' - ie. my family - help me in the process. They even read some emails to help me keep perspective...I certainly didn't want to fall in love with a guy just because he could write witty words.

In late November we started to talk about Christmas plans and J told me he was going to a family get together not far from where I would be. So we planned to meet, still not having talked to each other, except through the written word.

A week out from Christmas, as I was writing him yet another email, J called. I tripped over the cord as Mum passed me the phone...great start! I had to get him to repeat his last name 3 times coz I just couldn't get the pronunciation right. Great middle! And we planned that he would come for a day visit just after Christmas..now that was a GREAT end!

Actually, J's arrival at my parents' home and all that transpired over that initial 'day' visit, which turned into a delightful 5 (yes, that's right FIVE) day visit was the beginning of another very special chapter in our story. But I'll save that for a future post.

It's great to think back on that fun, exciting, nerve-wracking time 4 years ago. Especially as we head  up to our anniversary of the day we met...ahhhh! It's also great to reflect on God's goodness in bringing us together. He has certainly written a fairytale in our story....and I so appreciate that.

If you'll allow me, here's a few tips for my lovely single readers...

• Pray...continue to put your desires for a husband and family before God and ask for His provision of the right man for you. And if you are headed into or are in a relationship, continue to pray for guidance and wisdom. 
• Get a 'team' together who will pray for you and help in practical ways, like introducing you to people and helping you live in reality land, not fantasy land.
• If you venture into internet dating territory, do so cautiously. I would suggest recruiting a trusted friend to help you and provide some accountability. 
• Do let the guy lead. As much as I wanted to find out from J early on if he thought this email thing might become more and as much as I wanted to talk to him and meet him, I let him be the one to initiate contact. And he told me later that was really important to him.
• If you are writing emails, don't go in the deep end too quickly. It is very easy to write lots and write about deep, important things because there's a sense of safety and anonymity when you aren't talking face to face.
• If and when you decide to meet, make sure it's done in the presence of others...either a public place or better yet, get him to meet your family and/or friends straight up. J tells me that was great because he got to see me interact with them and he could also evaluate what quality of 'stock' I came from.

So I'll leave you there...with J and I as email buddies, who have had 1 phone conversation and stand on the eve of our first meeting......

Listen to the Lyrics #8

Third Day - Love Song

Apparently this particular Third Day song is a classic. Funny, I only discovered it recently. But what a discovery. Have a listen: Love Song

Here's the lyrics....

I've heard it said that a man would climb a mountain
Just to be with the one he loves
How many times has he broken that promise
It has never been done.
I've never climbed the highest mountain
But I walked the hill of calvary

Chorus:
Just to be with you, I'd do anything
There's no price I would not pay
Just to be with you, I'd give anything
I would give my life away.

I've heard it said that a man would swim the ocean
Just to be with the one he loves
How may times has he broken that promise
It can never be done
I've never swam the deepest ocean
But I walked upon the raging sea

(Bridge)
I know that you don't understand
the fullness of My love
How I died upon the cross for your sins
And I know that you don't realize
how much that I gave you
But I promise, I would do it all again.

Just to be with you, I've done everything
There's no price I did not pay
Just to be with you, I gave everything
Yes, I gave my life away.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Listen to the Lyrics #7

I Will Lift My Eyes - Bebo Norman

Another 'must have' on your IPOD.
Heard this for the first time in church way back at the beginning of the year and fell in love with it. Love the sound....but love the lyrics. Have a listen....and a read.
Click here:) to listen


God, my God, I cry out 
Your beloved needs You now 
God, be near, calm my fear 
And take my doubt 

Your kindness is what pulls me up 
Your love is all that draws me in 

I will lift my eyes to the Maker 
Of the mountains I can’t climb 
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer 
Of the oceans raging wild 
I will lift my eyes to the Healer 
Of the hurt I hold inside 
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You 

God, my God, let Mercy sing 
Her melody over me 
God, right here all I bring 
Is all of me 

‘Cause You are and You were and You will be forever 
The Lover I need to save me 
‘Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God 
So hold me now


These lyrics echo some of the prayers I have been praying of late. And the ones I have been praying when it's late! 
But how reassuring in the midst of pain or uncertainty, in times of trial or suffering, when I am lonely, tired or teary....I can call out to my God and He hears me. He calls me 'His Beloved' and He is near. He offers comfort and peace. He provides the strength I need to keep on keeping on. He settles me and gives me hope. 
I just need to look to Him...talk to Him and open myself up for His Spirit to work in me. Love it!
And LOVE His kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, patience and grace.
What do YOU love most about Him? Add a comment and tell me.
Meanwhile.....lift your eyes to the Maker and draw your strength, hope, peace and joy from the One who made you and loves you with a depth of love that just can't be measured.

God is.....

I Peter 1:21 says -
...and so your faith and hope are in God.
Yes...that's right, they are. But who is this God??
Type that 2 word phrase "God is" into a blueletterbible search and it occurs in 161 verses.
Here's just some of them.... to paint you a picture of this amazing God..... who is my hope:

God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfil? God is near us whenever we pray to him God is a merciful God God is God; he is the faithfulGod, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands. For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, For God is the King of all the earth Surely God is my help God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever For the Lord God is a sun and shield God is full of compassion. Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation." The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms. God is with you. God is a righteous judge God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. God is the God of gods and the Lord of kings and a revealer of mysteries God is truthful God is faithful God is the builder of everything. God is a consuming fire God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. God is love

Surviving Singleness #5

Exercise the Love Muscle 

I remember tearing up in a discussion with a good friend about love, back in my late 20s. It wasn’t because I thought love had passed me by. And it wasn’t because I was not currently the object of anyone’s love, or a boyfriend or husband wasn’t the object of my love.

I was actually upset because I was thinking about my inability to love. I had become quite selfish by that stage in my life. Long hours alone, living by yourself, fixating on your own life will do that to a girl. And I was genuinely concerned that if God did bring a special man into my life, perhaps I wouldn’t know how to love him.

Well my friend soon put me straight, reminding me that since I know God – who IS love – if I stay close to Him, I would be able to love and love well. And besides, why was I waiting for loving to be a future action? Why not spend time developing my love muscle now…while I had ample time and resources as a single girl. Ouch! Sometimes friends can be so blunt……….and so right!

So one way I set about developing my ability to love was to become an encourager. Think about those in your life who have encouraged you. Aren’t they someone you admire, appreciate and want to emulate? I have been extremely blessed over my lifetime to have had many and varied people – from teachers to students to aunts to friends to bosses to sisters  - speak words of gratitude and encouragement into my life. They are words that have changed me, challenged me and comforted me. In fact, one of my sentimental keepsakes is my ‘Joy Box’….a box full of wonderful words of encouragement written by these people on beautiful cards and pieces of scrap paper. These are still treasures that I read once in a while, and even though many were written years ago, they still have the ability to refresh me, lighten my spirit and make me smile and get excited about life.

Imagine if my words – spoken and written - did the same for others? So that’s one thing over the years I have tried to do…bless and encourage others through words. I am one of those people who don’t like talking on the phone, but I have lists of people I pencil into my diary to call at different intervals throughout the month or year. I pray that a call from me and words I am trusting God to give me, will tell those people that they are loved.

I like to write cards and notes to people….workmates, friends, my family, students. And again, I hope that I might be offering a word in season to encourage them and give them that little nudge to keep going. Recently, I wrote 3 little notes to 3 teenaged boys I teach. To the Yr 10 boy who said ‘thank-you’ after a lesson, I said ‘thanks’ in return and urged him to never lose that gift of encouragement because it makes a difference. To the Yr 9 boy who used encouraging words on the sports’ field, I urged him to keep speaking kind, ‘build-em-up’ words with his classmates because he’ll never know how much they might mean to someone who is struggling. And to the Yr 8 boy who came last in every event, but still had a go, I encouraged him to always keep that ‘have-a-go’ attitude because with it, he will go far in this life. Simple things. 50 word notes, that took no time at all, but that I pray God will use to encourage those young men.

So who is in your life that you can encourage today? Family members, friends, workmates, your pastor, church family, teenagers, children, random people you see once a week…your postie??? Even if you are not the most proficient writer, it honestly doesn’t take much time or talent to pen a few lines of appreciation. A Bible verse can add extra encouragement. Or even Google ideas for quotes or verses that you might be able to use. And don’t forget, every May holds National Thanksgiving Day, perhaps you can use that month as motivation but even before then, how about you to write 5 cards of encouragement by Christmas. That's only 1 every fortnight!

Encouraging others does make a difference, and not just to the person who is the recipient of your kind words. As you exercise your love muscle, God shines through you and changes your heart. Perhaps He’ll even use your willingness to love now, in the single years, to develop your ability to love when you get married and start a family. That’s what He did for me.

Surviving Singleness #4

Mind Games

I was flipping through past journals recently and it struck me…again….how much time I spend thinking. It’s a girl thing right? I even think about thinking!

The entries in my journal from my pre-married years highlighted how many potholes I fell into during that lengthy walk along the road of singleness. So in thinking about my thinking during that time, I just wanted to pass on a couple of warnings to others walking that road and suggest some pothole fillers that might be useful to you.

The Pothole of Inadequacy: I am a loser…no-one loves me.

One of the major pieces of faulty, and consequently damaging, thinking was that because I was not in a relationship and no-one seemed interested in pursuing one with me, I must therefore be unlovable or unworthy of love. In some way, perhaps many ways, I was obviously inadequate.

The Pothole of Selfishness: I….I….I…..I……I…….I…….I……I…..I……I

I guess it’s logical that in my journals I write about ME. But I realise how ME focussed I was during that season and it wasn’t healthy. We can spend way too much time fixated on ourselves and our own problems or circumstances and forget that as God’s girls we are called to look to the interests of others.

The Pothole of Ungratefulness: I have no boyfriend. I’m married to my job. I spend Friday and Saturday nights alone. I have sole responsibility for everything, including keeping the car running, taking out the bins and paying every bill. Oh, woe is me!

It is so easy to focus on negatives and see the glass as half empty and again, that is not what God has called us to.

The Pothole of Fantasyland: There are no decent men around. Why isn’t there a Mr Darcy? Or Romeo? Or Jack? Or…??? For me????????

I’ve heard it said that chick-lit and chick-flicks are female porn. Might sound a bit severe, but in some ways I agree. There was a season in my single years where I devoured romance novels and films and they affected my thinking….severely. Instead of building hope, they actually caused me to dwell on what I did not have. The Hollywood version of love in these books and movies is not even close to God’s design and that builds into our minds faulty thoughts about men, love and intimacy. They can be addictive, which is always dangerous. And they caused me to see the men in my life as somewhat deficient…’Well, why couldn’t they be like Mr Darcy? Or Romeo? Or Jack? Or…???’ They trigger feelings for something more that can take over our mental and physical selves and cause us to dwell on intimacy…or our lack of it.

There’s plenty of other potholes revealed in my journals but I am sure you get the picture. And if you are currently walking the single road, you could probably name a few that have caused your thinking to get bogged down or sidetracked.

BUT the great news is that we have a God who has given us the means to take up the shovel and fill in these potholes so that our thinking is no longer faulty and holding us back, but instead is a true reflection of how life is.

HIS WORD is the ultimate guide to filling in the potholes. Not only does it tell us the truth about who we are, why we are here and what life is about, but also, it gives specific helps for dealing with faulty thoughts. The very best one of course is to follow Paul’s advice in 2 Corinthians 10:5 – We destroy arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. But we can’t destroy faulty thinking if we do not know what is truth. And we can’t replace faulty thoughts with truthful ones if we are not IN God’s Word…reading, studying and applying it.

A couple of other practical ways I found to fill in the potholes have been accountability with a trusted friend or mentor who will talk through with me my thoughts and feelings and hold me accountable when it comes to what I am watching, reading, listening to, etc… I also reduced the amount of romance reading and viewing I was doing and for a time, fasted from that genre of entertainment. On some pages in my journals there is no complaining or whinging at all. Instead, I wrote lists – long ones – of the blessings in my life and expressed my deep gratefulness to God for His gifts to me. Counting your blessings sure changes your whole outlook on life. And I tried to counter the selfishness I saw in me by deliberately choosing to put others first and to find ways to encourage them. I called people, wrote letters, sent appreciation emails to my pastors, visited friends, practised hospitality, got involved in service ministries, sponsored children….and there’s heaps more here that you can do to get the focus off yourself. One final way I countered this particular pothole and kept hope for marriage alive was to pray for my future husband. Sure I hadn’t met him yet…well I didn’t think I had….but I could mention Him in my prayers and ask for God to bless him. I prayed for his relationships with friends and family. I asked God to give him wisdom in decisions and for the Holy Spirit to fill him with a desire to be obedient and faithful to our heavenly Father. I prayed for success in his job and for God to protect his heart and mind and body.

In all honesty, I did not do all these things all the time. But they are just some ways I tried, with God’s help, to not waste my season of singleness. Perhaps they might be an encouragement to you not just to keep on keeping on, but to travel the S road with fewer bumps and less potholes.

Surviving Singleness #3

“If Only”

Today, my encouragement to the beautiful single girls reading this comes from ‘Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl.’ This new book, written by Lysa TerKeurst (President of Proverbs 31 Ministries) has been beside my bed for the past two months and I have been thoroughly entertained and more importantly, challenged and changed by its message. With chapter titles like: Unlikely Lessons from a Pineapple, Cross My Heart & Close My Mouth, When My Ugly Comes Out and Praying the Dangerous Prayers, there’s plenty here for every woman who has ever felt like she was just going through the motions of the Christian life, ticking off the to-do list items and sensing there had to be ‘something more.’ So yes, I highly recommend the book, for ALL women, but for the ‘unclaimed gems’ here’s a few thoughts from Lysa and myself, which I hope might bless you today.

From Lysa….

The reality is no person, possession, profession, or position ever fills the cup of a wounded, empty heart – not my heart, not your heart. It’s an emptiness only God can fill. Anything we use as a substitute for God is an idol, a false god. (pg 30)

From me…..

During my single days, there were times when I tried to fill the emptiness in my life with each of those P’s. I thought certain people, especially a boyfriend would make me complete. With few expenses and a whole income to myself, I spent far too much time buying ‘stuff’….some of which sat in the cupboard, never worn or used. I pursued my job of teaching until it was almost all-consuming. Sure, I enjoyed it, but the fact that I dreamt about it most nights and around end of semester, dreamt in typed speech because of all the time I spent on computers writing reports (!!!) suggested too much of a good thing, can just be too much! And I took on a variety of positions both at work and church to try to find the niche I was supposed to be in where I would feel significant. Are you doing any of that??

From Lysa….

Even if we don’t fall into the idolatry of relying solely on other people or things to fill us, we can still be tempted by the lie that the things of this world bring fulfilment. It’s a lie that typically goes something like this: I could be really happy and fulfilled if only I had…..

….a skinnier body.

….a husband.

….a husband who was more tender and romantic.

….more money.

….a more successful career.

….a better personality.

….a baby.

….smarter kids.

………….apart from a thriving relationship with God, even if you got everything on your list, there would still be a hollow gap in your soul. (pg 32)

From me….

As the one and only single girl in a group of friends I had a few years ago, it was a constant reminder to me that by not being married, I was missing out. Wrong thinking! I began to learn, slowly, that no-one (not even a special man) and nothing (not even romantic love), was responsible for my happiness and contentment in life. It was a choice and still IS a choice I need to make every day.

From Lysa….

Instead of saying, “If only I had…..” and filling in the blank with some person, possession, profession or position, make a choice to replace the statement with something that draws your heart into God’s truth. Since we cannot be pulled away from God and draw near to Him at the same time, speaking truth rights our perspectives and puts our focus where it should be. (pg 32)

As long as I daily make the choice to be guided by His truth, He replaces my hollowness with a wholeness of love that has no gaps. (pg 35)

From me….

People and things are NOT where I get value or contentment or ultimate fulfilment. My eyes need to be on God for that, my heart needs to be in tune with His and my thoughts and actions need to reflect the truth of His word. I am indeed loved. Precious. Blessed. Protected. Valued. Wanted. By the King of all Creation…the Saviour of the World….the Lord God Almighty. Wow! My prayer today is that you will let those truths get a hold of your thoughts and chase the ‘If only’s….’ far from your thinking.

Letter to a Bride

I thought I'd flesh out my first 'Priscilla' idea from the last post. What's it look like to be a good wife? No doubt there's more to be said than what's below, but this is just a short note I penned to a friend recently on the occasion of her hen's night. Perhaps a few timely reminders for all of us blessed to be wives.....

Dear friend…..

Wonderful days ahead! As you continue to prepare for your wedding day, don’t forget the importance of preparing for your marriage. There’s lots to do for that special day, just as there is much to consider for the days, weeks, months and years that come after the wedding.

Here’s a few thoughts I have….not that after 3.21 years I can claim to be an expert!

Men are soooooo different to us girls. But just because they’re different, doesn’t make them wrong or stupid or……… Appreciate your man for the differences he brings to your relationship. Sometimes you really need to look hard and think positive, but it is worth it. He’ll certainly appreciate it and you’ll be happier than when you focus on the negatives.

Wives are soooooo good for their husbands. The Bible even says so! Men need someone to love and respect them. Who think they are a hero. Who constantly express their thanks for their protection and provision. Who serve them. Who give good massages. Make sure you keep a generous heart towards your husband…and act on that often!

It’s soooooo fun to love your hubby. When you find out what his principle love languages are (acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts or quality time) have fun putting into action ways that best tell him how much you love him. Be creative! And enjoy the consequences!

You sooooooo need God’s help to do marriage well. It was, after all, His grand plan and design so of course He has plenty to say about it. Make sure you search Scripture to discover what you are to do...be...say...show...in order to be ‘the crown of your husband’ (Proverbs 12:4).

And there’s soooooo much other helpful advice we can access to encourage us to ‘do’ being a wife really well. Podcasts and radio programs of Focus on the Family and Family Life Today….website: www.youngmarriedlife.com……books like ‘Intimate Issues’, ‘Fit to be Tied’, ‘His Needs Her Needs’, etc… are a few I have found useful.

Final tips...laugh a lot together...cuddle a lot...enjoy each other...always express gratitude to God and your husband...pray for him heaps...ask God to continue to help you be a wonderful helper, cheer-leader, lover...enjoy the journey – together:)

Blessings to you!

Kirsty VI