Surviving Singleness #6

The Comparison Game

Just a couple of months back, I learned a painful, but important lesson. It’s one you think I would have learned years ago…and maybe I did, I had just forgotten. But to me, the issue of comparing ourselves to others is a continuous battle we girls fight. Sadly, it’s one that unless we win it, can do much damage to us….especially if we are single.

Far too many times in my single days I found myself comparing ‘me’ to someone-else. Typical thoughts included…..”No wonder I don’t have a boyfriend….I’m not as pretty as her”…..”Hey I’m smarter/prettier/nicer/funnier than that girl, so how come she is married and I’m not?”……”If only I was like her, then I’d have a man”….blah bee blah blah.  And as many times as I’d read in the Bible how much God loves ME, it didn’t always penetrate beyond a head knowledge.

Well, a few Saturdays ago, the comparison game raised its ugly head again. My husband and I attended a wedding and one of the guests was an ex-girlfriend of my husband. By ‘ex’ I do mean along time ago, before I was ever on the scene and when he was quite a different person. However, as I sat in the congregation and watched this beautiful girl in a stunning dress with a gorgeous figure…despite just having a baby.…..I couldn’t help it…..I started playing the horrid comparison game. “Does J wish he was with her, instead of me?”…..”Why did he ever choose me when he could have had her?”…..”I’m so fat….brunette…spotty compared to her”…..and the doubts and concerns kept coming. Ok, admittedly they were probably made worse by the fact that as a very, very pregnant woman I was looking rather round and feeling rather emotional right then. Still, the feelings of inadequacy, doubt, self-loathing and the like were real enough.

I battled with those thoughts for some 24 hours before I was graciously reminded by God that I was walking down the road of ‘stinkin’ thinkin’’ – again! Sunday night’s sermon was on the prodigal son, but more from the point of the son who stayed at home, while his younger brother left to waste his inheritance. Our pastor spoke about the three tests this older brother faced once the younger brother had returned and been welcomed with open arms by their father. Test 1 was the isolation test….instead of confronting the situation, he chose to dwell on his anger and isolate himself in his pain. Test 2 – the self-righteous test…..”I would never do that” and the start of comparing ourselves to others and noting how much better we are than them. And Test 3 – the comparison test.

In no uncertain terms, I was challenged by the sermon to stop measuring my security and identity against others. I was reminded how prideful I become when I do this and consider myself better than others. And I was reminded how inadequate and insignificant I feel when I do this and consider myself less than others. Neither attitudes are helpful…at all! And they are wrong. God’s word repeatedly tells me that I am to find my identity ‘in Christ.’

Romans 8:1 - Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus….

1Corinthians 1:30 - It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God-that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption.

2Corinthians 5:17 - Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

I can’t promise to never play this comparison game again, but I am strengthened and reminded by God’s word and His great love for me that I don’t need to play it. I am enough…for Him and for my husband. So right now, I’m opting out of the game and in doing that, I’ve won!