Surviving Singleness #8

Our Story
Is it too egotistical to quote yourself? Sorry if you think it is, coz I am about to....
I ended the last Surviving Singleness post with: Next time…I’ll tell you about the success story. Yes….after all those embarrassing failures, there has been a happy ending. And I pray there will be for you too.

So here it is....the success story.

In 2006 I was turning 33. Sometime during that year I thought about the fact that Jesus died when he was 33 and I asked the question, "Would I die happy if I died at 33?" I came quickly to this conclusion...a resounding NO! So with a sense that there was more for me than just work, I quit my job and moved back 'home' to live closer to my then-pregnant sister. I gave myself permission to have a year off teaching and see what God would do if I made room in my life for 'possibilities' - whatever they may be but hoping all along that they might resemble Mr Right.

As the year progressed I had my embarrassing failures as I tried to navigate the world of dating and relationships. For the gory details see: Surviving Singleness #7. Then in October I received a phone call that would set in motion an unexpected and exciting chain of events.

My sister and her husband, who had been praying for a husband for me for ages, rang to tell me they had signed me up to an internet dating website. "It's a Christian one" they reassured me. I spent a couple of days looking at the prospects on the website and became more and more overwhelmed by the number of faces to choose from. How was I supposed to find my Mr Right when there were just soooo many options out there, including men from all over the world? A week or so later my sister and brother-in-law told me, "We've narrowed down the field and reckon you should email these 3 guys."

So I did. I sent the same simple introductory email to all 3 Queensland-based guys. One guy never replied - his loss. One was really negative about life in general - so I sent an educational response suggesting ways he could get a warmer response in his next attempt. And the final guy responded with an obvious sense of humour....seems I had sent the email 8 times, filling his inbox! Oooppppss!

But as God would have it, #3 guy turned out to be the man who would become my wonderful husband and now the fantastic father of my darling little son.

In all honesty, I was smitten at email number 1. J came across as very down-to-earth, clever and funny. Tick, tick, tick. And considering some of the other offers I was getting in my inbox...including the one from the 50-something year old who was suggesting I come to dinner to meet his grown up children and eat his special pasta dish....this guy just sounded so normal.

He also got 'ticks' coz he had a ute! 

So email after email went back and forth as we got to know each other in cyberspace. I asked all sorts of big questions and J was gracious enough to respond in quite a bit of detail. I had my 'team' - ie. my family - help me in the process. They even read some emails to help me keep perspective...I certainly didn't want to fall in love with a guy just because he could write witty words.

In late November we started to talk about Christmas plans and J told me he was going to a family get together not far from where I would be. So we planned to meet, still not having talked to each other, except through the written word.

A week out from Christmas, as I was writing him yet another email, J called. I tripped over the cord as Mum passed me the phone...great start! I had to get him to repeat his last name 3 times coz I just couldn't get the pronunciation right. Great middle! And we planned that he would come for a day visit just after Christmas..now that was a GREAT end!

Actually, J's arrival at my parents' home and all that transpired over that initial 'day' visit, which turned into a delightful 5 (yes, that's right FIVE) day visit was the beginning of another very special chapter in our story. But I'll save that for a future post.

It's great to think back on that fun, exciting, nerve-wracking time 4 years ago. Especially as we head  up to our anniversary of the day we met...ahhhh! It's also great to reflect on God's goodness in bringing us together. He has certainly written a fairytale in our story....and I so appreciate that.

If you'll allow me, here's a few tips for my lovely single readers...

• Pray...continue to put your desires for a husband and family before God and ask for His provision of the right man for you. And if you are headed into or are in a relationship, continue to pray for guidance and wisdom. 
• Get a 'team' together who will pray for you and help in practical ways, like introducing you to people and helping you live in reality land, not fantasy land.
• If you venture into internet dating territory, do so cautiously. I would suggest recruiting a trusted friend to help you and provide some accountability. 
• Do let the guy lead. As much as I wanted to find out from J early on if he thought this email thing might become more and as much as I wanted to talk to him and meet him, I let him be the one to initiate contact. And he told me later that was really important to him.
• If you are writing emails, don't go in the deep end too quickly. It is very easy to write lots and write about deep, important things because there's a sense of safety and anonymity when you aren't talking face to face.
• If and when you decide to meet, make sure it's done in the presence of others...either a public place or better yet, get him to meet your family and/or friends straight up. J tells me that was great because he got to see me interact with them and he could also evaluate what quality of 'stock' I came from.

So I'll leave you there...with J and I as email buddies, who have had 1 phone conversation and stand on the eve of our first meeting......