Surviving Singleness #3

“If Only”

Today, my encouragement to the beautiful single girls reading this comes from ‘Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl.’ This new book, written by Lysa TerKeurst (President of Proverbs 31 Ministries) has been beside my bed for the past two months and I have been thoroughly entertained and more importantly, challenged and changed by its message. With chapter titles like: Unlikely Lessons from a Pineapple, Cross My Heart & Close My Mouth, When My Ugly Comes Out and Praying the Dangerous Prayers, there’s plenty here for every woman who has ever felt like she was just going through the motions of the Christian life, ticking off the to-do list items and sensing there had to be ‘something more.’ So yes, I highly recommend the book, for ALL women, but for the ‘unclaimed gems’ here’s a few thoughts from Lysa and myself, which I hope might bless you today.

From Lysa….

The reality is no person, possession, profession, or position ever fills the cup of a wounded, empty heart – not my heart, not your heart. It’s an emptiness only God can fill. Anything we use as a substitute for God is an idol, a false god. (pg 30)

From me…..

During my single days, there were times when I tried to fill the emptiness in my life with each of those P’s. I thought certain people, especially a boyfriend would make me complete. With few expenses and a whole income to myself, I spent far too much time buying ‘stuff’….some of which sat in the cupboard, never worn or used. I pursued my job of teaching until it was almost all-consuming. Sure, I enjoyed it, but the fact that I dreamt about it most nights and around end of semester, dreamt in typed speech because of all the time I spent on computers writing reports (!!!) suggested too much of a good thing, can just be too much! And I took on a variety of positions both at work and church to try to find the niche I was supposed to be in where I would feel significant. Are you doing any of that??

From Lysa….

Even if we don’t fall into the idolatry of relying solely on other people or things to fill us, we can still be tempted by the lie that the things of this world bring fulfilment. It’s a lie that typically goes something like this: I could be really happy and fulfilled if only I had…..

….a skinnier body.

….a husband.

….a husband who was more tender and romantic.

….more money.

….a more successful career.

….a better personality.

….a baby.

….smarter kids.

………….apart from a thriving relationship with God, even if you got everything on your list, there would still be a hollow gap in your soul. (pg 32)

From me….

As the one and only single girl in a group of friends I had a few years ago, it was a constant reminder to me that by not being married, I was missing out. Wrong thinking! I began to learn, slowly, that no-one (not even a special man) and nothing (not even romantic love), was responsible for my happiness and contentment in life. It was a choice and still IS a choice I need to make every day.

From Lysa….

Instead of saying, “If only I had…..” and filling in the blank with some person, possession, profession or position, make a choice to replace the statement with something that draws your heart into God’s truth. Since we cannot be pulled away from God and draw near to Him at the same time, speaking truth rights our perspectives and puts our focus where it should be. (pg 32)

As long as I daily make the choice to be guided by His truth, He replaces my hollowness with a wholeness of love that has no gaps. (pg 35)

From me….

People and things are NOT where I get value or contentment or ultimate fulfilment. My eyes need to be on God for that, my heart needs to be in tune with His and my thoughts and actions need to reflect the truth of His word. I am indeed loved. Precious. Blessed. Protected. Valued. Wanted. By the King of all Creation…the Saviour of the World….the Lord God Almighty. Wow! My prayer today is that you will let those truths get a hold of your thoughts and chase the ‘If only’s….’ far from your thinking.